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TFT Rumor Hooks inspired by rock music.  Page 3


In a peasant bar outside the walls of the capital.  Several 'young men' are talking excitedly about a section of the squalid, poverty-stricken lower end of town where former serfs reside; it's derogatorily called Serf City.  The duke allows them to live there while manning the fields.

“I have a hay wagon and its made of woodie

it's not very cheery, it's oldie and moldy

ain't got a seat or springs or powerful pony

But it still gets me where I wanna go

Serf City, here we come

Gonna have some fun; Cause its two girls to every one (boy)

The duke never closes the streets at night; so something's always going on.

And when we get there, I'll be shootin' the dice

And checkin' out the parties for a serf girl.”

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing Berry, Wilson


There has been a rash of hallucinogenic incidents in the wealthy district.

The latest one was reported by Cosmo.  He just got back from his factory on Linnoy Street.  He locked the front door of the estate as usual and went to the back porch to rest, having a light meal.  

Soon though, he was singing and his imagination set in.  He saw cartwheeling giants, a stilt-wearing statue, chimpanzees and elephants playing in a band.  Many strange things; happy creatures dancing on the lawn.

Perhaps a wondrous apparition, provided by magician?  Or a herbist perhaps?

So far, no mishap has occurred from these incidents.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing Fo Gerty

Encounter – A Prognostication.

It is twilight on a patchy-cloudy night.  The tinged muddy yellow moon is coming up and has a fuzzy halo around it.

You see an old man playing solitaire sitting at a table.  He has a frown on his face as he concentrates on some item in front of him.  It is a Future-telling device.  He looks out the window at the moon.

He says out loud to no one in particular:

“Trouble is a'comin'.  

Ya can see the badness in the risin' moon.”

He points down to the cards (or bones or runes)

“The Land will shake and the sky will lightning.”

He flips another card (or tosses another bone)

“There is a powerful storm headed this way.  We're in for nasty weather.”  

He waves a finger from one item to another.

“Hurricane tonight.  River rises and overflow the banks.”

Another card flipped.  He waves his hand over one item and connects it with another.

“Don't go about tonight.

There is bad times today.  A sacrifice. One eyed during the Eye.

Voices of ruin and rage.”

He looks straight at you.

“Hopes ya got your things together and are prepared to die,

'cause I know the end is coming soon.”

He quickly gathers his things and departs.

John Paul Bakshoian – J. Fo Garty


Jealous forces have imprisoned Harmony in a Glass Guitar (a crystal prison) which can only be unlocked by four elemental keys that are scattered to the four corners of the world. The Glass Guitar is in a chest in the Valley of Silence. Who will free the spirit of Harmony and create a new Utopia?

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing T. Rundgren

Rumor – of the baddest in town

On-a worst part o' de south part o' our town be L'Roi Brunneis, a bad man gambler.

He be over two yards, worser thanna gladiator an' meaner 'an 'n orcish dog.

Alla women downtown call 'im “tree-crown” lothario; Alla men call 'im “sir”.

He be a fop, has a diamon' ring he likes ta wear ona ev'ryone's nose, a four-horse coach, a pocket slingshot an' a razor in his boot.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing J. Croce

Rumor –A tale

Ya know the history of HighCrest and Meleos 'bout …  well, some years back?

Crests of the mountain and the Meleos valley folk below?

So on the mountain was this treasure and them valley folk swore they'd take it.

The Meleosians send this messenger up the hills, “Give us the buried treasure,

Them tons of gold.”  Well the Kingdom replied that they would share their riches,

All the treasure buried there.

Well, Meleos was itchin' for a fight, and they mounted up and took their knights into the mountains and slew the protectors.  

So the victors stood before the treasury of that red stained mountain,

And turned the stone and looked beneath.

Well, there was a Lych that was entombed there for centuries.

And they woke it up.  “Peace on Earth” was all it said.

And then it proceeded to wreck havoc with the knights and army and the valley.

Seems both sides hated and cheated neighbor and friend.  But the judgment day horns didn't blare.

And on the bloody morning after, only a tin golem rode away.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing Potter and Lambert.

Rumors -

In their threshing oar ships, they are coming to our lands to slaughter us.

From a land where the sun often shines at midnite,

And hot springs flow amid the snow and ice.

Our soft fields of green will be filled with gore

As they sing and cry, 'Valhalla'.

And when the tides of war have calmed and they are our overlords,

We will rebuild all our ruins and there will be peace for a while.

Until they raid again.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing James Page and Bob Plant

Rumor - of a female fighter (almost a paladin) somewhere around here.

Her family was killed years ago when she was but a child.

Her heartbreak was quite open, so much she couldn't hide.

Of that day, word's unspoken as if it gets stuck in her throat.

Some saw her kneeling at church, crying words that she meant.

She's an awful scar on her face from that day in her childhood.  Left side.  Covers it with make-up or veil.  Only shows her good side.

She's an ostentatiously virtuous and well-behaved woman of sobriety and little vice.

Not of courtly fashion she.  Those styles can't be taken seriously.

She does have a double set of shoes though.  And a good tipper, usually with a thank you note.

She's got integrity and wisdom.  Can't tell her what's right and what's wrong.

Or who to drink with or sleep with.

Don't infer innuendos, 'cause she's got something of steel on the inside.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing A. Ant

Report -

A bit of background on that highwaymen, Mr. Caine.

He was with the rebellion about 5 years back, when the bells rang the night Ole Moxie fell.

He'd been with the Danbill caravan, till the cavalry tore down the bridges again.

It was reported that he didn't mind choppin' wood and didn't care if the money be worthless.

Back home in the country during that winter, everyone was barely alive from starving.

Virgil and his wife, from the front porch, saw the rebellion leader led by in chains.

Virge lamented that they shouldn't take the best they have.

That you can't raise a Caine back up when he's in defeat.

Well, last year Virgil left the land that his pa and he had worked.

And came out here for a life of crime.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing Robert Robertson


There is rumor of a thieving gang made up of an actor and pickpocket.

Once they were almost caught, pursued in the confusing warrens of the maze.

The merchants and the farmers are their fare, but those that were robbed could tell they were working up to bigger targets.

It always starts out as a confidence scam. They get the victim into a conversation by asking a question or offering drink.  The nimble one was a talker.  And holds commentary with his friend throughout the scam.  He once said that “there are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.”

At about that time the scam turns into a robbery when the nimble guy pulls a small blade.  Then he turned to the person being robbed and said “But this ain't our fate.  So let's stop talkin' falsely now, for late is the hour.”

The robberies usually happen under the view of the watchtowers while barefoot servants and shopping women travelled by.

The prince has two of his Wildcat guardsmen on horseback stationed a cold distance away.  When the tower guards notice anything suspicious, they will howl the wind sirens to signal an approach.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing Robert Dylan


Doctor Atherton,

Here is the Mystical Mystery document you requested.  It was nicked by agent Yapple from Noyer Knott, the Sayeed of Little Nikolai.  Unfortunately Yapple was only able to get fragments of the original papers, which were damaged and blown about the room before he could obtain them.  Thus, it might not be in the correct sequence.  This is his rough translation.  Knott might or might not be the author of this letter.  Investigator Martin has evaluated and commented on this.  The original letter is in black.

I am he as ye be he as you are me

And we are all together

See how they run like hawgs from the gunne

See how they fly

I'm crying

Martin thinks this beginning might refer to a Hive Mind of some sort.

The hawgs referred to are either the riding hawgs of Harlee which the Road Angels roam on Or the heavy merchant hawg ships.  He speculates that the gunnes might be arquebus's or cannons.  The 'fly' might be a comical reference to 'when pigs fly' or it could mean to outrun the attack.

For some reason, this makes the writer sad.

Sitting on a corn sack

Waiting for the caravan to come

Discorporation hair shirt, stupid Bloody Tuesday

Man you've been a naughty boy

Ye let your countenance elongate

Martin thinks that the author is at a caravanserai with his trade items, when he witnesses penitent pilgrims in sack cloths passing by.  One of the penitent screams out in agony “Bloody Tuesday” (the name of their sect's unholy day), while his face distorts and he suddenly becomes incorporal, the shirt and pants falling to the ground.

Petty halfling watchmen sitting in a row

See how they fly like Lucifer in the sky, see how they run

I'm crying, I'm crying

There seems to have been a massive daemon attack where Lucifer knocks the hobbit guards flying about and scatters them to run-away.  For some reason, there is again much sorrow with the author.

Yellow mellow custard

Dripping from a dead dog's eye

Crabalocker fishwife, “Harlot writing priestess

Boy, you've been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down.”

The author is just making a small observation about death, when a fishmonger grabs a crab from its bin and shakes it at a priestess walking by, making that rude comment.  Martin wonders if it shouldn't be Mellow Yellow Custard.  Yapple also could not find the rest of the passage.

Expert, textpert choking smokers

Don't you think the joker laughs at you (ho ho ho, hee hee hee, hah hah hah)

See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snide

I'm crying

Martin believes this is a reference to a heavily incensed séance room or fortune-tellers parlor.  The Joker probably refers to the Fool's Card.  The soothsayer gives a bit of incantation.  Then comments some more about the prognostication.

And then sheds tears for the dead.

Thelmalina Pilchar

Climbing up the evil tower

Elementary penguin singing Harry's Crystal

Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar & the villain Po

As far as Martin has found in his research, there was a thief named Thelma who entered the Zamoran Religious Structure, outwitted the guards in their black and white livery, who were distractedly beating Edgar, a man made tame by fortune's blows and Po who was a low-born rustic.  They were probably Thelma's hired goons.

Thelma made off with the Eye of the Serpent.

Note:  Harry's Chrystal is the name of a religious song.  

I am the Overman

They are the Overmen

I am the walrus

Martin says it is not known whether this is a real reference to the Overman race or a simile.  If it is the racial reference, it would be powerfully dangerous.  

The Walrus was the name of a famous pirate ship of Captain Flint, so this might be an allusion to piracy.

Goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob

Goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob,

Goo Joob, joob, jooba

Jooba, jooba, jooba

Joob, jooba

Joob, jooba

Yapple had trouble translating this from the native tongue.  He thinks it's an incantation, not so much words as the rhythm.

Umpa, umpa, everybody umpa (jooba, jooba)

Umpa, umpa, everybody umpa

Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)

Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)

Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)

Yapple thinks this might be the continuation of the incantation, but the pages may have been mixed up.  He thinks that this is both a rhythm incantation and an affirmation that the item chanted for has been received by all participants.  He is not sure whether this is a dividing chant (one solid object divided into bits for each participant) OR a uniting chant (many individual objects combined to make one large enchantment.)

Martin's interpretation of the whole thing is that it is a trial run attempt by Noyer Knott to burgle a religious institution and make off with the treasures.  Between the discorporation of the penitent, the rude comment about the priestess, the Zamorran Snake Cult tower, and the religious song; all protected by a hive mind, a daemon and gun crew and who knows what else, it is a dangerous tour.

- John Paul Bakshoian, referencing Jake Lennon